I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
