Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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