Sponge bath it is.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
