May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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