get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
