Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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