Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
3 2 1 whiskey
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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