i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
