I need help removing her.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
