She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
you inspire me to be a worse person
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
