can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
