someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
