I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
