I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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