There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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