i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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