He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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