what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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