Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
