if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
