don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
