I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is Oprah even human
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
