Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
