No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
