If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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