Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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