it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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