Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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