Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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