My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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