You're so nebulous sometimes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
