i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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