So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
