i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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