farters have to be the big spoon...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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