Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
