Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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