"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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