Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
