when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize