You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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