I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
