sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
