Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
