We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
