Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
