I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
