so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
