So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
