Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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