Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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