I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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