So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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