just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
