I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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