i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
