so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
