when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
