I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
