i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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