Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
