Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
