sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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