Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
