I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
