Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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