I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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