eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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